more comedic

         well, i was watching this guy's stand up comedy skit on netflix, and i said to myslef, i should be more like him, i should be more comedic, so i showed my first post to my friend, and i said, so was anything in this funny? and he says...that was supposed to be funny? and its at that point where im like fuck you! im funny goddamnit! im funny! and he's just sitting there with some coonfused look in his eyes like he's going to say something along the lines of "is this supposed to be comedic? have i been missing out on that much shit in my life?" you know, i wish he would have, cuz then i could have the justification to punch him in the face. i mean, if your going to say something, either say something nice, or dont fucking say anything. just bask in my glory, okay? got it? but you know, that isnt true, i wouldnt tdo that, iv actually been trying to meditate more, and become calmer, and less violent, and every time by brother like does something stupid im like fuck calm, im kicking his ass! and its at that point where im about to get up where im like, ahhh i might as well go get myself some chips. i realize iv been eating alot more, becoming a teenager and all, a couple days ago i had four double cheeseburgers in 5 minutes. after it i layed back and thought to myself, ahhhhh i should eat at mcdonalds more often! and then i almost barfed all of the shit back up. yea! and then right after that i went straight to dairy queen for a blizzard! i came back home and i was laying on my side in bed with stomach craps wishing to myself, ohh its just gas, its just gas, when i know that im actually slowly dying inside.
          now dying is something that has always striked me as being really weird. you know, you're born, then you life for a bit, and then u fucking dissapear. i mean seriously?! if it were up to me, everyone would life forever, we could use those graveyards for extra shopping malls! but actually, i take that back, not everyone should live forever, only the strong/ nice people. like if some guy comes over to me during lunch and steals my cookie im like fuck that, you're going to hell...and then you hit 'em with a fying pan.
          i actually realized something today, kitchen utensils are amongst the most humiliating things to die because of. you know your all at some guy's funeral and you ask the guy next to you how he died and he says "he put the fork too far back in his throat", or "he was stabbed with a spoon" or even, "he loved his microwave that much..." and your thinking to yourself, if he was killed by a tiger or something that would have been so much cooler!
          speaking of cool, what the fuck is up with the weather. seriously? im walking to circle K to buy myself a slushy and my shoes practically fuze with the sidewalk its that hot, and then on the way back som clouds come overhead, and wind blows by and puts a shitload of sand in my eyes. if not one thing another right? yea! and then i finally get back home and it gets cool outside again. its at that point where im like fuck that, the farthest im going out of my house this week is a whopping zero feet.
           im been telling myself to get out more actually, like be more athletic and shit. and then i get outside at the park and im gunna kick around a soccer ball when i realize how fucking pointless it is to kick rubber into nets repeatedly. who are these people who watch sports? all it is, is a bunch of super buff guys in either shorts or tight pants with cups on throwing around balls. actually if you look at it that way it seems a bit like gay porn...no, i would not know. hehe... im just kidding though, i dont watch gay porn... i watch lesbian porn. 
            you know, now that i think about it, porn is bad. if you wanna see something, get a fucking girlfriend, unless your someone who watches sports that is!!! iv actually been wanting a girlfriend more lately, i mean, iv dated before, but now more and more iv been thinking to myself, goddamn, i really want to see someone who doesn't think im an idiot. wait... girlfriends do that too. nevermind...
             anyways, i hope you squirrels liked this post more than the last one.
             spoons are fun, and asta la pasta. thanx, bye!

the beginning

well, I just got back from an excruciatingly long road trip from visiting family, and going to camp in chicago, and wisconsin. and I thought I would be tired and go right to sleep in my old arizona bed. was I kidding myself or what? I decided to start writing this at 2 in the morning because I couldn't get to sleep. I decided the world should see life as it really is. as straightforward as possible. basically i'm going to say what has happened in the past short amount of time, yet in such a way to make you go either "oh god" or laugh hysterically. yes, I have that effect on people. so far today I have had a mediocre sundae at a mediocre dairy queen next to an exhibition of "THE THING" in new mexico. I had found out a couple years before that the thing was really just a bunch of fake things from history, and then a human mummy that is actually made out of sheep and chicken bones. its amazing what people can get you to see these days, and that cost two fucking dollars...assholes ripping people off. anyways, I had ice cream, got in a fight with my brother, got home, unpacked, went to some shithole for dinner. yea, it practically was. basically it was some brewery or something that had been made to be kid appropriate, so they had kiddie train tracks, a jumping castle, thomas the train on the tv's, the whole shabang. my baby brother who is now 2 loved the place. i didnt so much, it stank like urine, there was mist they kept spraying, and it took a half hour to get a grilled cheese sandwich with the cheese half melted, and killing me from the inside-out. at least the soda was good, seriously though, you cant go wrong with root beer. after dinner, we stopped at sunflower market to buy supplies for breakfast tomorrow. during the time my mom was in the store, my baby brother started screaming he had a "poopuluh" (thats what he calls a diaper situation) basically, he wouldnt stop crying hysterically for 20 minutes, and eventually we got him changed, but we all still had massive headaches. during the car ride home, my brother and i start messing with each other. im sure you have heard of the "im not touching you" game. well, there was that, poking, licking, and overall stupidity. i realized the last part after i got inside the house. i immediately got online to see if anyone was on facebook in the time i had been cut off from social networking at camp. sure enough, i had 6 conversations, simultaneously. you gotta love that social networking. one of the conversations was about religion, and all that hoohah, another was about how justin beiber is a poser of real artists with real talent and how he just has a high voice, looks, money, and no testicles. basically everything i ever say on facebook becomes meaningless in real life. seriously now, what evolutionary advantage is there of facebook? oh, im just going to chat with lion, tiger, and bear, all at the same time to ask them not to eat me, and then ill poke them too! yippee!!! anyways, after that i got up to setting up three digital clocks to wake me up at 8:30 so i can hang out with my friends as long as possible, and be out of the house as long as possible. yea, i decided three would be sufficient, because one just isn't enough to wake me up. three might, yet probably won't do it. I then watched some Pokemon, and decided to write this. yep, i was that bored that i created this thing, if you like it, congratulations, you have as much of an attention span as a squirrel on drugs, and if you don't like this well, then you aren't one of those little fuzzy squirrels, and nobody will love you. also, if you happen to really like this, well let me know, and ill try to update this as often as possible. thank you. good riddance. and asta la pasta.